The Loss of 25 years is saddest part of All

The loss of 25 years of effort is
the saddest part of all.
But how can I continue fighting a loosing battle.
I throw my entire life into this relationship but I am working with a partner 
who is not firing on all cylinders. 
A man who one day acts like a man and the next day a child.
I feel as if I can never make progress with him because he has
no one who taught him how to be a husband. His role model is a narcissist posing as a father.
His parental role models had no self-esteem.
They were not available to teach what it 

means  to be loving and tender.

This was an affair that should have ended after my sons childhood years.
Instead we became religiously observant as a path to gain control over that which was out if control. 
If he had directed his passion to me, we could have built a mansion, but he 
spilled his seed, so all we have is a cardboard house.
It is a crying shame that I have wasted so much life and love.

In addition, I am hurt by people 
posing as friends. 
These people are not my friends.
How do we end this torture?
We made huge progress.
Progress....gone in a second by one who

sold his soul for a buck.

I cannot trust him. He is not for me.
He is not for himself either.
How ironic, he spends so much time praying

 only to quit and 
fall flat on his face because he cannot 

maintain life as a living prayer.
Silly man.
No one ever told him that every 
thought is a prayer. The awful thoughts he has about me are 
curses of the heart. No wonder my life hasnot grown all these 25 years.
G-d help.

It must be that G-d has entrusted a 

courageous path to help rectify a special soul. Otherwise, I would not understand at all.